


You Can't Keep Safe What Wants to Break

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Series: Things Will Get Bad Before They Get Better [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Background Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, F/M, Jace Wayland Deserves Nice Things, Jace Wayland Feels, Light Angst, M/M, POV Magnus Bane, Post-Canon, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25612264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: Magnus is struck suddenly by the memory of another Shadowhunter he knew who was willing to give up everything for the love of a mundane girl. ‘I was born to be a warrior, and I was born to be with her. Tell me how to reconcile the two because I cannot.’ The words of one Edmund Herondale rang clear in Magnus’ mind, bringing a slow, sad smile to his face.“You Herondales certainly have a penchant for sacrificial love,” Magnus observes, not unkindly. Edmund gave up his runes, James his sanity and stability, Will was ready to give up love itself, and now Jace...---Or, how far will Jace go to have Clary in his life again?
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane & Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Things Will Get Bad Before They Get Better [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1856500
Comments: 15
Kudos: 57





	You Can't Keep Safe What Wants to Break

**Author's Note:**

> Clary isn't specifically in this as a character, but the focus is on Clace and their relationship <3

Magnus probably shouldn’t be here for this conversation, but Jace is waiting for them when Magnus portals them back to the Institute from Idris. Jace is eagerly awaiting the response from the Council meeting, nervously pacing back and forth in Alec’s office where they thought they’d have a bit more time to figure out how to break the news to him. Alec planned on doing it alone, with Magnus at home preparing the strongest cocktails he can manage short of inducing alcohol poisoning to deal with the aftermath. Instead, Alec shoots Magnus a quick, pleading glance, and Magnus doesn’t have the heart to try and make a quick exit with them both in front of him like this.

Neither of them is ready for the conversation that’s about to happen.

One look at their faces and Jace doesn’t have to wait for either of them to speak to know what news they have for him.

“Jace…” Alec starts, but it’s no use.

“They said no,” Jace says for him, crestfallen.

“There was nothing we could do,” Magnus tries. “We pulled every favor we had.” It’s true - they really did try everything short of actual bribery to get the discussion and the votes to go their way… and, okay, maybe a _little_ actual bribery Alec doesn’t need to know about, but even that wasn’t enough.

“They wouldn’t let go of the fact that the Angels took her memories and her abilities, and essentially kicked her out of the Shadow World. They don’t want to risk letting her back in. They’re scared,” Alec says, not that Jace needs to hear it. He’s heard that argument time and time again ever since Clary remembered him at her art show that night… ever since he started seeing her regularly, and reforming a relationship with her.

Ever since he wanted her to be part of his life - part of _all of their lives -_ again.

But the Nephilim have strict rules about mundanes being intimately involved with Shadowhunters, rules that have to be followed to keep them out of the Shadow World. And without her abilities, without everything that once made her one of them, that’s all Clary is to them. A mundane.

“I can’t lose her again,” Jace says, sounding broken and lost. “I just got her back, I can’t let her go.”

“I’m sorry,” Alec offers as if this final verdict from the Council means the discussion is over, topic closed. Magnus knows the look in Jace’s eyes, though. Jace isn’t letting this go. Magnus wanted to stay out of this. He did his best to stay out of the previous discussions between Alec and Jace and Izzy and members of the Council, because despite his personal investment in both Clary and Jace’s well beings this isn’t a personal matter, not to the Shadowhunters - it’s a _political_ one. He always knew how this would play out, despite their best efforts… duty before all else, _the law is hard but it is the law_ and all that nonsense.

He wanted to stay out of this, but now he finds himself in the thick of it, staring into the blue and brown eyes of a Shadowhunter pushed to the breaking point between heart and duty.

There’s a long, tense silence in the office before Jace turns away from Alec and Magnus. Magnus can’t tell if he’s hiding his pain from them or something else entirely. Magnus thinks that Jace almost sounds determined when he finally speaks. Resolved. It doesn’t sit well with Magnus but he doesn’t pry, not just now.

“Yeah,” Jace says as he makes his way out of the office. “So am I.”

“That went better than I expected,” Alec admits once Jace is gone.

Magnus gives a distracted nod, but he doesn’t think the matter is over, not by a longshot. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to let Alec think that the worst is past. He has a sinking suspicion that the worst - much worse than this - is yet to come.

“Let’s go home, shall we? I think we could both use that drink now.”

\---

There’s no warning from his wards before the knock on the door sounds, so Magnus knows the person is a friend before he checks through the eyehole. Unexpected visits in Idris are few and far between these days, and he’s particularly surprised to find Jace Herondale standing in the hallway when he opens the door.

“Alec isn’t back from his meeting yet, is he?” Jace asks, in a tone that implies he not only knows the answer but fully planned on arriving while his parabatai is out.

“No,” Magnus confirms. “He’ll likely be another hour or so. Come in,” Magnus says, stepping aside for the Shadowhunter to enter. Jace shrugs his coat off and hangs it on the rack by the door.

Instead of prompting Jace Magnus remains silent, reading the blond’s body language and the tension held in every muscle, the strain of every movement, to know that there’s something wrong. Something he doesn’t want to tell Alec if he’s here talking with Magnus first.

“I need you to be honest with me,” Jace says. “Because I already know how Alec and Izzy are going to react, and it isn’t going to be good. And I just--” Jace breaks off there, pacing back and forth. “I need someone impartial to tell me I’m not crazy.”

“I’d hardly say I’m _impartial,”_ Magnus points out.

“But you can be. At least, you can be brutally honest when you need to be, and I need you to be. I just need to talk to you as Magnus, not my parabatai’s husband.”

“Alright,” Magnus agrees, ignoring the urge to make a joke about Jace’s ego not being able to handle Magnus’ honesty. Something tells him this isn’t the time. “What’s on your mind?”

“I want to be with Clary,” Jace says.

The words on their own aren’t surprising. Of course Jace wants to be with Clary. Magnus knows that Jace loves her more than he’s ever loved anyone - save possibly his parabatai - in his entire life. But Clary cannot be part of their world as a mundane, it’d never be recognized or allowed by the Clave. The only way for Jace to be with her now is--

Oh.

The realization dawns on him and sits like a leaden weight in his stomach. His expression must give away what he pieced together because Jace notes the look on his face and continues quickly.

“I’ve thought about it. By the Angel, _all I can do_ is think about it. She never leaves my mind, Magnus. She hasn’t since the day she left and she’s never going to, especially not now that we’ve reconnected. I can’t live without her. And I don’t _have to_. I just have to…” but Jace trails off there as if saying it might make it too real. So Magnus finishes for him.

“You just have to be de-runed, to leave behind the only family you’ve ever known and the only _life_ you’ve ever known.” Magnus manages to say the words with minimal infliction; no judgment, just facts.

Jace winces. “I did ask for brutal honesty, didn’t I?” he says, though the laugh he gives is forced.

“This isn’t a decision to be made lightly, Jace. I know that you know that, but do you truly understand the gravity of that decision? There’s a reason de-runing is the most severe of punishments for crimes against the Clave,” Magnus points out.

“I know,” Jace says. “But living without Clary for the rest of my life… at least the pain of a de-runing is temporary.”

“But the effects are far from temporary,” Magnus reminds him. At the look on Jace’s face, Magnus adds quickly, “I’m simply presenting all of the angles, I’m not trying to talk you out of it.”

When he imagined what Jace might do in retaliation of the Council’s decision before he pictured more of a fit of rage, a ‘fuck the system’ rebellion of finding a way around their ruling to bring Clary back anyway. This option crossed his mind, of course, but never in a million years would he imagine Jace pursuing it.

Jace is quiet for a moment after that. Magnus takes some small comfort in knowing his words aren’t falling on deaf ears. Jace wouldn’t have come here if he didn’t want to talk this through, after all.

“I know losing the parabatai bond will hurt Alec,” Jace says quietly. “It’s the part I keep coming back to. The rest… I know Alec and Isabelle won’t abandon me if I go through with it, no matter what the laws are. I won’t lose them, not entirely. But the bond…” Jace actually looks close to tears simply speaking of it, and Magnus moves forward to take him gently by the hand and lead him over to the sofa.

“It isn’t a bond broken easily,” Magnus agrees. “You will both suffer greatly for the loss of it.”

Jace hangs his head. “I don’t want to put Alec through that, but… but he will someday anyway, right? One of us will, in the end. It isn’t like it’s inevitable. I’m just… moving up the timeline.”

Magnus can practically hear the number of times Jace must’ve repeated that to himself before now, over and over in his head until he was nearly convinced it’s enough justification. He isn’t wrong, Magnus will give him that. But it’s one thing to lose the bond through an inevitable death, and another entirely to know that you’ve caused that pain and loss intentionally.

The look on Jace’s face as he avoids Magnus’ gaze tells him that Jace knows that, too.

“Have you talked to Clary about this?” Magnus asks.

Jace nods. “She said we could get an apartment together. I can’t tell her everything, obviously, but I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t think we had a real chance, you know I wouldn’t.” Jace shakes his head. “I don’t _want_ to have to choose. This… being a Shadowhunter, this is what I’m good at. It’s what I was raised to be. But Clary… she’s my future, Magnus. I was trained to be a weapon, but I was born to love Clary Fairchild.”

Magnus is struck suddenly by the memory of another Shadowhunter he knew who was willing to give up everything for the love of a mundane girl. _‘I was born to be a warrior, and I was born to be with her. Tell me how to reconcile the two because I cannot.’_ The words of one Edmund Herondale rang clear in Magnus’ mind, bringing a slow, sad smile to his face.

“You Herondales certainly have a penchant for sacrificial love, _”_ Magnus observes, not unkindly. Edmund gave up his runes, James his sanity and stability, Will was ready to give up love itself, and now Jace...

“I can give up Shadowhunting. There are plenty of others who can take over for me now, and plenty more to follow after me,” Jace says.

It’s a strange thing, to witness the blind faith the Nephilim place in their Angels from birth begin to crumble and crack - to question outdated laws and revert back to something more basic, more simply human. Life. Love. Happiness. Desire.

“I’m not concerned about the Shadowhunter’s loss of a soldier,” Magnus points out. “And you don’t have to convince me. I know better than to think there will be any talking you out of this once your mind is made up… and it does appear to be entirely made up. You wouldn’t be here otherwise.”

Jace nods. “I haven’t told anyone yet, but I think Maryse might have an idea. I’ve been asking a lot of questions lately about her de-runing, and what happens afterward.”

Magnus nods slowly. That makes sense. “You won’t be allowed back in Idris again. If the full extent of standard procedure were followed you wouldn’t be able to see any of your family or friends again, but something tells me Alexander won’t let that bit stand.”

He knows that Maryse showed up once or twice to the Institute and that Luke and her family visit her regularly, either at the bookshop or at her home. All of which is highly irregular, but then again, not much about Alexander’s influence of the Clave’s rules and standards hasn’t fought back against their antiquated ways in one way or another.

Jace sounds uncertain when he replies, “I don’t know, there’s a very good chance that Alec won’t speak to me again after this, law or not.”

“If you think there’s any chance of Alexander abandoning you for this decision-”

“And why shouldn’t he?” Jace cuts Magnus off. “After I abandon him first.”

The harshness of Jace’s tone causes Magnus to wince.

“This isn’t just a matter of marrying someone and moving away. This isn’t even just about losing my runes. If it was just my own sacrifice there wouldn’t be a doubt in my mind, but…”

“But it isn’t just your own life this choice affects,” Magnus supplies for him, finally realizing why he came to speak with Magnus first. These are complicated, deep emotions. Alexander and Jace, when confronted with issues as personal as this, could be a volatile force. Magnus is glad Jace had the presence of mind to try and sort through his own first.

“I took an oath. _Entreat me not to leave thee,”_ Jace huffs out with a broken laugh. Magnus knows the oath. He’s familiar with it enough to know that by doing what he’s planning now Jace is breaking every line of it, every promise. “‘ _The Angel do so to me, and more also,_

 _If aught but death part thee and me.’”_ Jace’s eyes leave Magnus’ and fix on a point beyond him, growing distant. “How can I choose? _Why_ do I have to choose? It isn’t fair.”

“Life very rarely is,” Magnus says sadly.

“What would you do, if you were me?” Jace asks.

Magnus considers the question, thinks back to all of the loves he had and lost over the centuries, of the love he has now with Alec. He tries to picture what it might be like if he and Catarina were bonded like Jace and Alec, but in the end, he can only shake his head.

“I can only begin to imagine the intricacies of the bond the two of you share,” Magnus admits finally. “I’ve sacrificed everything for love, more times than many would consider wise, and I’ve been burned every time but one.” It isn’t what Jace wants to hear, but it’s the truth. And what follows is also the truth. “But every time was worth the possibility of true love.”

That gives Jace a bit of hope, which is what he needs. It’s what he’s searching for, behind his call for honesty and council.

“If I were you? I’d probably risk what you’re planning now. It’s foolish and reckless, a gamble beyond measure, but isn’t love always?” Magnus smiles softly at that. “And if I were Alexander, and my dearest friend came to me in your situation, I can promise you that any anger or betrayal I felt would be temporary, eventually eclipsed by the joy of knowing they found all the happiness they were looking for in life.”

“You think?” Jace asks, daring to sound optimistic at the mere suggestion that there’s a possibility of Alec being alright with this in the end.

“But I’m not either of you, and this is not my decision to make.”

Magnus feels the gentle ripple in his warding that alerts him to his husband’s arrival downstairs. “Alec’s back,” Magnus says. “I can portal you to the Institute if you’d like to keep this between us for now.” It’s a simple offer, no judgment if Jace wants more time to consider his options, or simply to stall before talking this out with Alec. As difficult as keeping something like this from Alec will be he wouldn’t betray Jace’s trust in coming to him for advice. Magnus watches Jace closely, able to see the flash of panic on Jace’s face and the hesitation as he debates taking the offer of a portal.

“No,” Jace says with a determined shake of his head. When Magnus thinks back to his similar encounter with Edmund nearly a century ago, he distinctly recalls the feeling of witnessing a disaster, of wreckage. But this is different: Jace Herondale isn’t ruining himself, he’s rebuilding.

“I’ll make myself scarce, then,” Magnus says, standing up to make his way toward the door.

“Magnus, hey,” Alec greets, leaning in to give him a kiss in greeting when he opened the door to find Magnus standing next to it, grabbing his coat. Alec catches sight of Jace behind him and his brows furrow. “Jace? Is everything alright?”

“I’m heading out for a bit. Give me a call if you need anything,” Magnus says instead of answering Alec. The question isn’t meant for him, after all.

Magnus looks over at Jace one last time before leaving the two of them alone to speak, still surrounded by the ghosts of his past. He sees so much of Edmund’s determination to follow his heart, no matter the personal cost. He sees Will’s enthusiasm and desperate need for the potential of love. He sees James’s consuming passion.

Magnus sees enough of Jace’s ancestors in him to know without a doubt that Jace will be just fine in the end; and if he isn’t, then Magnus imagines he has enough experience assisting lovestruck Herondales to help him through.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fusion of me reading Edmund's de-runing story recently, and thinking of the time I got to ask Dom what he thought Jace would do if Clary didn't/couldn't come back and he said he'd probably do something drastic like talk to someone about not being a Shadowhunter to be with her, and HERE WE ARE. Right now I just wanted to get this Magnus POV out of my head but I might make a proper series of the idea soon because I just really like the idea of it playing out from Jace's POV, so if you want to see what comes next feel free to subscribe to the series! 
> 
> (Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com) and also on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/By_The_Angell)! <3 )


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